Drizzt Do'Urden walked along the icy passage that led back to the cave that he sought refuge in. He had been in the cold air of Icewind Dale for more than a tenday looking for a home. As he strolled along the side of the mountain, he felt a mystical energy in the air (the dark elves could sense things like it). Drizzt stopped abruptly, sensing a tear in the fabric of reality. A pitch-black portal began to form in mid-air, pulling Drizzt into it. He struggled for several minutes, attempting to get out of the grip of the tear, but the pull was too powerful. After a short period, he was sucked inside. Then he saw only darkness.
***
The mind flayer was out of its cave in search of the human it desired to give to the Ulitharid. He found the man camping in a tent next to a small fire. The Elder Brain will surely be pleased, he thought as he implanted his tentacles into the poor human's brain. The mind flayer stopped abruptly, however, when sensed a portal in the air. He pulled his tentacles out and started to run to tell the Ulitharid when the portal proved the stronger and he was sucked in.
***
The human was heavily drinking and arguing with one of the local townsfolk when the portal appeared in the inn. The heavily drinking human began to get sucked in, until he saw only darkness.
***
The cat was devouring another of many towns when the portal appeared. Rose was a magical creature, so the portal shouldn't have had an effect on her, but the portal had been created by a celestial. The cat was pulled in, until she fell into yet another quaint little town to devour.
***
The Knight was resting on a bench in the middle of Dirtmouth when the four portals appeared, and many varied characters fell out: a drow, an insane person babbling about the latest trends, a demon cat, and a psionic squid creature. The Knight pulled out his nail to face off against them, thinking them to be no more than vile Husks. His perspective changed quickly, however, when the human shouted "How the frick did we get here?"
***
Drizzt Do'Urden had been falling for upwards of ten minutes now when it came to an abrupt stop. The portal reopened, and he crashed into a town where three other creatures were having the same experience. He saw a... bug? on the ground drawing up maps and humming, when he looked up and his expression changed from elation to terror.
Two more bugs were also in the town, one standing next to the bench and one that jumped up from the bench and pulled out his nail. "How the frick did we get here?" the human asked. He didn't get an answer.
The bug with the nail lunged forward, expecting for Drizzt to be easy prey. How foolish this one is, Drizzt thought with almost comedic pity. But as Drizzt easily dodged the lunge, another sword spun into his back, rendering moving no easy task.
A second bug leaped down. "Greetings, outsider," she stated plainly, making sure to let them know she could kill all of them easily. "My name is Hornet, and I serve as guardian of Hallownest. My unemotional friend here has no name, so we just call him the Knight. Now, state your business!" she shouted as she positioned her needle just inches away from Drizzt's throat.
"I'm not entirely sure what it is either," he said. "I was sucked through a portal while wandering through the tundra. All I have left are my scimitars and this onyx figurine." Drizzt pulled a figurine out of his pocket and displayed it.
"It contains a link to the astral plane that can summon a magical panther named Guenhwyvar." "Oooh," the human said. "We might as well introduce ourselves, since we're unfamiliar. I'm Drizzt Do'Urden, a drow of the Forgotten Realms." The human stated in a very dramatic fashion "And I am Kentucky Fried Chicken! Master of dramatic introductions!" Everyone proceeded to clap. The mind flayer spoke. "I am A'kzalkzen, a mind flayer. You all look very delicious," he added in a creepy manor. "I'm Rose, and I just finished devouring five towns," the void cat proudly proclaimed. Everyone stared at her. The Knight remained silent.
The bug next to the bench sat down and said "Welcome to Dirtmouth. My name's Elderbug. I know a lot more than many of you may think. I can tell you how you got here. You simply have to listen..."
"All right, what makes you think you can make us learn something new?" Rose asked suspiciously.
"I just can," replied Elderbug, "and I will. So settle in, and don't get up, because you'll miss the plot."
As he said that, Rose, Kentucky Fried Chicken, and A'kzalkzen all got up and left. "$/-/!%," Elderbug muttered.
"In the beginning, the world was barren, until the celestials created all life. There were many, but the most powerful was named the Radiance. They created various planetoids, a huge open field, and vast underground caverns. They also created two life forms to live on their world: moths and humans.
"Your dear friend Kentucky Fried Chicken was a human, so you know what they're like, Drizzt." Drizzt grumbled at this. "Moths, however, nearly went extinct a while back. The few still alive reside in the Resting Grounds, deep below this town.
"However, out of the Gateway at the top of this world, a new species emerged: the bugs. They quickly colonised the entirety of the underground, pushing the moths to where they are now. A few other types of bugs also existed, such as the mantises, the weavers, the spiders, and the vessels. The Knight here is a vessel, and so is Hornet." The Knight nodded his head.
"The bugs began to disrespect the Radiance and the other celestials, however, and began to worship the current kings of their Kingdom of Hallownest, the Pale King and the White Lady. The Radiance felt personally insulted and ordered her fellow celestials to create a plague that would ravage Hallownest.
"However, the Pale King had a bag full of tricks as well. He created a gigantic vessel known as the Hollow Knight to trap the plague in, for it could not escape if its vessel was devoid of emotions, and stuck him in a large black egg in a temple in the Forgotten Crossroads. The Hollow Knight, however, was not devoid of emotions, so the Radiance indirectly spread its influence throughout Hallownest. The moths refused to follow the celestial with the terrible things she was doing, so they became atheists, refusing to worship anything.
"The Radiance turned most weak-minded bugs into her personal slave-cultists. They have begun to run rampant across our Kingdom. The Pale King eventually died in his White Palace, and the White Lady sealed herself deep underground. The Kingdom of Hallownest was left leaderless. It plunged into chaos, until three heroes emerged, who we call the Dreamers.
"The Dreamers consisted of Monomon, a teacher from Fog Canyon, Herrah, a feral beast from Deepnest, and Lurien, a mayor from the City of Tears. They sacrificed themselves into eternal slumber to contain the plague. The Radiance still can't fully escape from the Hollow Knight, but it still spreads its influence.
"Your quest, shall you two accept it, is to slay the Dreamers, and then head to the temple and slay the Hollow Knight and the Radiance." After saying this, Elderbug handed the two each a large collapsable map containing the Kingdom of Hallownest drawn on it. "That bug over there," at that, the map-drawing bug waved, "is named Cornifer. He drew these maps. He is very talented. He also marked where the Dreamers are on the map.
"Now, please help us! The well down there leads deep into Hallownest. Will you accept your quest?" At this, the Knight readily nodded and Drizzt slowly nodded. They both put their maps into their pockets and jumped into the well.
"I sure hope they succeed," Elderbug thought. "Our Kingdom's fate rests upon them."
***
As Drizzt and the Knight both fell through the deep well, Drizzt contemplated why he was even doing this stupid quest. However, he didn't get enough time to think it over, because two seconds after he jumped down, he landed. He appeared to be at the top of a sort of underground mountain. Crystals were everywhere, as far as the eye could see, as well as various bugs that seemed to be mining and carrying crystals alike.
Drizzt walked up to one of the miners and said, "Good day!"
"Dear Radiance!" the bug shouted. "What was that for?"
"Sorry, my good bug sir, but I would like to ask a few questions."
"Shoot."
"I don't have a shotgun, sorry!"
At this, the bug rolled his eyes.
"What are the questions?" he asked grumpily.
"Well, for one, where are we?"
The bug pointed to one of the crystals.
"This is Crystal Peak, a large underground mountain full of crystals! I'm a miner, trying to uncover all the crystals I can. The infection has hit this area pretty hard, though, and I'm one of the only bugs not infected. You'd best get out of here quick!"
"Thanks, sir!" Drizzt said as he backed away.
"Alright, Mr. Knight, where's the nearest Dreamer?" he asked the Knight as he grabbed the map. The Knight did not respond.
"Nevermind," Drizzt grumbled. "Looks like the closest is Monomon, in Fog Canyon. We simply have to drop down, go left through the Fungal Wastes, and climb up Fog Canyon, and we'll be there!" The Knight nodded his head in agreement.
"Alright, let's go!" Drizzt shouted as he dropped down the cliff.
They hugged the left wall as they fell, until eventually they fell onto a small platform. "There's the entrance to the Fungal Wastes," Drizzt pointed out.
They both stepped into the entrance.
***
"Well, we're out of that urine-soaked hellhole now," Kentucky Fried Chicken plainly stated.
"I prefer the term "peepee-soaked heckhole,"" Rose replied.
"WILL YOU TWO JUST SHUT UP???!?!!?!!?!!!!!?!!??!!!!?"
"Yes, Mr. Illithid," they timidly responded.
The party stopd in a plain grassland with what looked to be a house to their left, Dirtmouth on their right, and a... floating island up above?
"What is that doing up there?" KFC questioned.
"I DON'T KNOW, BUT LET'S GO TO THAT HOUSE."
"No."
"I'LL SUCK YOUR BRAIN OUT."
"Y-y-yes, M-mr. I-ill-lithid."
The party walked to the house along a messy dirt road.
"Should we really go in there?" KFC asked.
"Yes. Yes we should," Rose answered.
The party walked in and saw a strange cloaked being sitting next to a shattered nail and various other trinkets. KFC walked up and poked the cloaked being until it woke up.
"Huh? Who are you?"
"WE'RE YOUR SAVIORS."
"Ah, an Illithid! Get away from me!"
The cloaked being began thrusting her arms in various directions at this.
"STOP. DO YOU NEED HELP?"
The cloaked being sulked at this.
"Yes, I do. My lover recently perished, and I need you to deliver this flower to her grave."
She handed the party a delicate flower.
"Please, do it! Please!"
"Wait, do you mean that Mantis?" KFC asked.
"Yes, that's who it is! Did you know him?"
"Ummm..."
KFC threw a smoke bomb he carried around at her and ran out.
"Please, I didn't even tell you my name!"
"WE DON'T GIVE A FLYING F-"
"Rick! That's what you meant to say, right? Right," Rose interjected.
***
After running for a while, they caught their breath next to the entrance of Dirtmouth.
"Now why'd you do that?" Rose asked.
"Ummm... I maybe kinda sort of maybe kinda sorta-"
"SPIT IT OUT!!!!!!!"
"I killed her. I used the bathroom and saw there was a window and I climbed out and went to Queen's Gardens amd decided to kill her for fun."
"..."
"..."
"You..."
"YOU TERRIBLE PIECE OF CRAP FRICKING GODAWFUL FREAKING TERRIBLEAWFUL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!??!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!" calmly answered Rose.
The party proceeded to kick KFC out and leave him to die. They left.
"Guys? Guys? Guuuuyys? This joke isn't funny. Guys? guys? Frick."
***
Drizzt and the Knight entered the Fungal Wastes, a filthy mushroom-infested cesspool of moss.
"Hmm, looks like we're close to Fog Canyon," Drizzt mentioned as he examined their map. "We just have to go left and CHRESUS JIST WHAT THE FRICK IS THAT?!?!!!??!?!!?!?!????!!??!!!?"
"Umm, e-excuse me, sir, b-b-but I'm a bug too, y-you know," the moss-covered creature replied.
"Oh," Drizzt dejectly said.
"B-but maybe you should be w-worried about t-that thing," it responded.
Drizzt and the Knight looked up and saw a massive knight made of moss towering over them.
"oh. maybe i shouldn't have gone on this quest. i think i'm gonna die."
RRRRRRAAAAAUUUGGGGHHHHHH, the Moss Knight roared, as he charged at the Knight. They began a long duel of parries and slashes, with the Knight seemingly having fought many before.
After he slashed the creature into many tiny bits, Drizzt asked "How did you know what the Moss Knight was going to do?"
The Knight responded by pulling out a dusty old book entitled the "HUNTER'S JOURNAL." He turned to a page with a Moss Knight on it, and pointed to a statistic on the bottom right. "Killed: 886." "Well, I guess that explains a lot," Drizzt said.
Right next to them was the entrance to the Fog Canyon. They stepped inside, ready to defeat the first Dreamer.
***
"I'm glad we kicked that idiot out," Rose mentioned as they walked away from his screaming body.
"I AGREE. HE DID NOT DESERVE TO LIVE, LOVE OR LEVE."
"That's not a word."
"SHUT UP, YOU."
"yes mr. illithid."
As they walked past Dirtmouth, they found a shop.
"SHOULD WE GO IN?"
"Sure, I guess."
They entered the shop and found a gun-obsessed man and a corpse running the shop. Suddenly, the corpse sat up. "HAPPY TO SEE YA!!!!!!! WHAT WILL IT BE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!"
"Why is the corpse talking?"
"GOOD QUESTION, ROSE. NO ONE KNOWS," responded the illithid.
Rose slammed her void tendrils on the desk. "Bartender, gimme a jetpack."
"CAAAAAN DO!" responded the overly energetic corpse.
He pulled up a jetpack and tossed it to Rose.
"HEY, WHY CAN'T I HAVE IT?" the illithid complained.
"You can already fly with your mage powers."
"SHUT UP."
"yes mr. illithid."
"I love GUNS!" the other shopkeeper screamed as the party left.
***
KFC continued to scream until Elderbug came out of Dirtmouth.
"My, my, what happened here?"
"Those imbeciles threw me out! Curse them all!"
"I'll take you in."
"Fine. But I'm not gonna like it," KFC pouted.
***
Rose pulled out her jetpack and put it on her back.
"Let's try this out, why don't we?" she said as she began to blast off.
"WAIT FOR ME," the illithid responded as he used his psychic powers to propel himself upwards.
Suddenly, they both fell into a shiny floating land full of many doors and various weird-looking helmeted creatures of various shapes and sizes.
"Where are we?"
"Sir, you are in Godhome," responded the largest creature.
***
Drizzt and The Knight stepped into large upward passage filled with jellyfish and larger jellyfish. The Knight pulled out some strange journal and flipped to a certain page. The text on it mentioned that the small jellyfish were docile and the large ones were extremely volatile.
"Good to know," said Drizzt as he instinctively sliced into a large jellyfish.
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
***
"WHAT IS GODHOME?" A'kzalkzen asked.
"Simple," the creature replied. "It's an arena where we, the Godseekers, test visitors' mettle against the strongest of foes, or, as we dub them, Gods."
"Where do we find these 'Gods'?" Rose asked. "I'd like to have a chat with them," she said, sucking the life out of a nearby Godseeker with her void tendrils.
"Ah! Stop! Stop, you awful awful being!" the Godseeker they were speaking to screamed as she grabbed a knife and cut off Rose's tendrils. "You're going to jail!"
"Shazbot."
"DON'T YOU MEAN SH-"
A'kzalkzen was promptly kicked off Godhome.
***
Drizzt laid in extreme pain as The Knight casted Focus on him 87 times in a row.
"Ow."
The Knight pointed to the page again and lowered his eyelids in a sarcastic manner.
"Shut it," Drizzt said as The Knight prepared to make a joke about he didn't have a mouth, before Drizzt grabbed him and pulled him along as they followed a path.
Eventually, they reached an impasse. A strange void-filled gate laid in the middle of a large room. "How do we get through here?" Drizzt asked. The Knight grabbed Drizzt and morphed into a strange shadow creature for a half-second, and when Drizzt could see again, he was on the other side. He didn't bother to question it.
Suddenly, he noticed a bug walking toward him. "Hey! I'm Cornifer!"
"hi cornifer."
"HeY FrIeNd! It'S mE, cOrNiFeR!!!1!1!11!1!!11!1"
Drizzt walked away slowly.
"But wait, I have maps! Loooooooooots of maaaaaps! Please. Please buy my maps."
Drizzt walked away quickly as The Knight followed closely behind.
***
Rose died. But only on the inside.
She had sat in a disgusting, rotting, putrid, dank, dark, horrid, putrid, vile, disgusting, vomit-inducing, wretched, one star, not Google recommended, awful, horrible, bad cell for about 1 hour now. It was horrible.
"Hi! It's me, your Godseeker servant! Here to bring you lovely food in your hotel room-style prison cell! Just remember, we love you!" her Godseeker prison guard said as she ran in with a plate of freshly cooked food. It wasn't souls, however, so she refused to eat it.
Her tentacles had been cut off, and they wouldn't grow back for a few days, so she'd have to remain in this horrifyingly awful cell for a little bit longer. Unless...
***
Drizzt and The Knight eventually stumbled upon a large library with a bug standing outside reading a novel. "Hi, I'm traveler Quirrel, you may know me from such travels as 'My Trip To Queen's Gardens' and 'My Trip To Fog Canyon,' which I'm filming right now!" the bug said as the party approached.
"Great. What's this place?" Drizzt asked.
"Oh, that? That's the Teacher's Archives, resting place of Monomon!"
Before Quirrel could continue talking, Drizzt rushed inside.
Drizzt entered the Archives with The Knight following soon after. After sitting on the bench, they strolled through the dungeon, avoiding the many, many jellyfish. They almost reached the boss room, but Quirrel jumped down before they could continue.
"Greetings, fellows. May I assist with the battle?"
The Knight nodded.
"Fantastic!"
All three continued into the doorway.
***
Throughout the day, Rose plotted her escape. It was bulky, unreadable, and confusing. But she didn't care. It would work. That's all that mattered.
Once night began, she used her tentacles to pry open the prison bars. That was the plan. It went on for 68 pages.
As she walked along, she ate multiple guards. Eventually, she reached the edge of Godhome. She forged her tentacles into a parachute and floated down, landing eventually.
"I'm free. Thank god."
"GREETINGS, CAT," A'kzalkzen said as he walked up. "I SEE YOU ESCAPED."
"I sure did."
"WHAT NOW?"
"I don't know."
***
Kentucky Fried Chicken sat there. Sad. He couldn't do anything. All he could do was sit there and talk to Elderbug for hours on end. And it sucked.
"And then I put an onion on my belt, as was the style at the time, and went over to Morganville, which is what they called Godhome in those days."
"SHUT UP!" Kentucky Fried Chicken screamed.
Elderbug stopped talking.
***
Drizzt walked into the arena, along with The Knight and Quirrel. Suddenly, a massive earthquake occured and a giant jellyfish emerged.
"That's the Uumuu," Quirrel stated matter-of-factly.
The party prepared to battle. Suddenly, Uumuu reached out its tentacles and stabbed all three.
They were dead.
***
"It sounds like something died," Elderbug said.
"Eh, it's probably nothing," Kentucky Fried Chicken said.
***
Suddenly, all hell broke loose.
The Temple of the Black Egg shattered, with a terrifying void entity jumping out. It raced along the Crossroads, devouring any who stood in its way, until it eventually found Dirtmouth.
***
"Hey Elderbug, what happened after you tied an onion to your belt?" Kentucky Fried Chicken asked.
"Eh, it's a boring story," responded Elderbug.
"But you told me about the onion for four hours!"
"Yeah. That was the coolest part."
Suddenly, their conversation was interrupted by a giant void demon stabbing Elderbug in the chest.
"Tell my wife I l-love her..." he choked out.
"You divorced," said Kentucky Fried Chicken.
"Oh right. Frick you, you dumb nerd!"
These were Elderbug's final words.
***
The three Dreamers were sleeping peacefully. Or, more accurately, two were. Lurien was wide awake. He was watching the rain through his telescope while his attendant stood around worriedly.
"M-mr. Lurien? Shouldn't you be s-sleeping?"
Lurien waved his hand dismissively.
"W-well, there's some n-news about Dirtmouth. It's destroyed. Some giant v-void entity ate its only resident. I think Cornifer died sometime recently."
A look of shock crossed Lurien's face. He fell over in panic. Did he cause all of this? Or was it simply because the "heroes" failed to achieve their mission? He didn't know. And he wasn't used to that.
His attendant ran off to fetch some water for him.
"Sir, please don't p-panic! Have some nice water!"
Lurien grabbed the water and chugged it down. His face would've given a look of satisfaction if it wasn't constantly covered by a mask.
"What now, s-sir?"
Lurien glanced through his telescope again.
"S-sir?"
Lurien looked at the attendant. "I think we've get business to accomplish," he said as he activated the elevator.
"C-can I come?"
"... fine."
***
Meanwhile, KFC was facing certain death. A demonic void entity was staring him down, and he couldn't do anything about it. When suddenly, two heroes emerged.
"Wait, why are we here again?" Rose asked.
"I DON'T KNOW OR CARE. ALL I KNOW IS THAT THIS FRICKER IS TRYING TO KILL OUR FRIEND."
Rose stabbed KFC in the chest. He died.
"ALRIGHT, NOW THAT THAT CRINGER IS GONE, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"
The void entity opened its mouth. "um... my name is the hollow knight, but im being possessed by the radiance. not that that's a bad thing, of course, we're best friends. right, radiance?"
An unholy shrieking noise erupted from the Hollow Knight's stomach.
"thanks, radiance. now, who's the guy you just slaughtered?"
"THAT WAS KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN."
"weird name."
"Yeah."
Suddenly, three shadowy figures emerged.
"I'm Lurien!"
"I'm Monomon!"
"I want to eat you. And my name's Herrah."
They all stepped forward and shouted in unison, "Begone evil!"
Suddenly, from the sheer power of their yell, the Hollow Knight and Rose instantly melted into a fine dust.
"WHAT THE FRICK, GUYS? YOU JUST KILLED BOTH OF MY FRIENDS!"
They were already gone.
"THIS IS BULLS-"
Suddenly, a raining meteor fell on him.
Everyone's dead.
***
"Ech."
"What is it, 847?"
"I don't know. I'm just bored."
"No one cares. Shut up and do your job."
"But it's not fulfilling, 846!"
"Trust me. I've been here way longer than you and I know the ropes pretty well. Now just do your freaking job or I'm gonna go ballistic."
"Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you when your life goes down the drain."
"Duly noted. Now shut up."
Godhome Guard #847 and #846 were workers at Godhome. Their jobs included everything from scrubbing the floor to beating up anyone who dared to enter Godhome without a permit. It was a very boring job, but everyone who worked there was genetically engineered to be a worker, so they didn't have much choice. And then most things died.
It happened very suddenly, but most things died. Even 846. But not 847.
***
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" is how 847 reacted when 846 fell over, dead. They were just mopping and talking about nothing when 846 suddenly croaked. It was terrifying. In fact, 847 nearly crapped herself.
"Alright, 847, just calm down. Just calm down. It can't be that hard."
It was that hard.
But eventually, 847 calmed down and began to explore around Godhome. It was eerily silent, and everyone was gone.
"What in the heck happened here?" 847 audibly wondered. But there was no answer, everyone in Godhome was dead. In other unfortunate news, Godhome was floating, and 847 had no jetpack or parachute, meaning she was basically stuck. Yikes.
847 thought woah dude, I should totally jump off Godhome. She jumped off. It was a poor decision.
847 fell for an exorbitant amount of time. During the fall, she went through all 16 stages of grief, inventing 11 new ones as she went. In fact, she fell for about two and a half hours straight. How she fell for that long is a question modern science is still unable to answer, but modern science has no place in fantasy novels, so I'll just shut up.
Eventually, she landed, breaking about 20 bones and damaging 30 others. It was a rough landing. After laying down in pain for a while, 847 sucked it up and got up to look around, and what she saw... was pretty boring.
It was nothing but plain grass everywhere, though she could see some stuff in the distance to the left and right. However, 847 was still in immense agony, so she decided to just lay back down for a while.